Let Your Heart Be Light
by FadingIntoYou
Summary: Oscar has been keeping things close to the vest, but Christmas makes him vulnerable...and he needed to let Angie in. Some things weren't meant to be kept a secret, especially from the most important people in your life.


This was for Marnie for the Motive Gift Exchange on Tumblr! I honestly loved writing this and kind of want to write a New Year's themed story, but I don't know yet. Anyway, I hope everyone else enjoys this one even though it couldn't be put up until now!

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><p>As he looked at Angie, he got that same feeling in the pit of his stomach like every other time he thought about lying to her. It was a heavy feeling, one that made his heart lurch and his throat burn when she trusted his flimsy excuse to shut her out. It wasn't as if he did it on purpose, it was just that some things he was afraid for her to know. Afraid that maybe, after all the lies, she'd look at him like a stranger. He couldn't stand to think she'd pull away from him, even if he only did it to protect the small part of himself that always seemed to be completely vulnerable. She was his partner, his best friend, and he couldn't do it anymore. He didn't know how she'd react, but he trusted her enough to let her in. Something about the holidays did that to him, made him more open to let someone see everything he had to offer, even if he almost never acted on it.<p>

He sighed, running a hand over his face as he dropped his eyes, mentally begging her to look at him before he lost his nerve. He sat back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest as he crossed his feet in front of himself. He looked at her again, pushing the toes of his shoes into the carpet to swing his chair to face her head on, watching the way she chewed on her pen absently. She flipped through her file again, before meeting his gaze and giving him a tired smile.

"Hey"

"Hey back"

She looked at him silently; her body still slumped over her desk, head in her right hand as she turned her body towards him. He watched the way she bit her lip, and he could feel the dread creep up on him again. He couldn't do it, he couldn't lose this, couldn't lose his partner over something so small. He watched the way her eyes darted across his face, looking for something as he tried to relax his features. He didn't know if he was fooling her, that was, until she opened her mouth.

"How long have we been partners Vega?" She asked, her voice soft, but he could detect a hint of something under her calm exterior that had him tensing again.

"Five years, but it seems like forever," he tried to joke, but she just continued to look at him, like she knew exactly what his answer should be, and she did.

"Five years, that's a long time don't you think?" He nodded, his head bobbing as she sighed, pulling her body upright into her chair. She folded a leg into her chest, wrapping her arms around her shin as she leaned her chin onto her knee.

"When were you going to tell me, or was I never supposed to know?"

He dropped his eyes, blowing out a breath in relief, but feeling his body shake slightly at the hurt tone she had. He didn't want this; he didn't want to hurt her unnecessarily. She deserved better than this, she deserved his honesty after everything they'd been through together. He uncrossed his arms, leaning forward in his chair to place his elbows on his knees. He wanted to keep his feet crossed, but he was trying to convey that he did trust her, even if she doubted him right now. He bowed his head, looking down at the space between his feet before he spoke, his fingers laced together loosely so he didn't fidget.

"I didn't mean to keep it from you Ang-" he started, holding up his hand as she started to interrupt him.

"You know what, you deserve to know why," he said, getting up and grabbing his coat as she just looked at him strangely. He motioned for her to get up, holding her coat out to her as he waited for her to join him. She just stared at him blankly, finally getting up and pulling her coat on as he wrapped a scarf around his neck. He looked at her again, and he could feel her questions as he put on his gloves.

"There's somewhere I need to be, and I think it's about time I explain," he said, hoping she'd take the hand he held out to her, and hiding his disappointment as she stuffed her hands in her pockets, motioning towards the doors with her head as she walked ahead of him.

"You were wrong Vega-" she murmured as they waited for the elevator, watching as he inclined his head at the reprimand, "You're not an open book".

He turned his head toward her sharply, wondering why she'd suddenly brought up that argument now. He met her eyes and could see the hurt, and the disappointment in her eyes as she looked at him. This was exactly what he was afraid of. He didn't want her to think she couldn't trust in him, but she had every right to be upset.

"When we get there, I'll explain okay? Just give me that," he asked, and he felt his stomach relax when she nodded. Nothing else was said as they stepped into the elevator, and he thanked god for that. He'd needed everything on his side if he wanted her to understand.

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><p>He felt that excitement flood him like it did every year at this time, the decorations festive and bright despite the location. It was a hollow kind of cheer, one that was forced if for no other reason than to give people hope. It was funny really; that a few lights and trees placed around a lobby could change the reason you were there, even if it was for just a second. He felt Angie beside him, and he resisted the urge to look over, knowing that she was absorbing everything for her interrogation later. She had every right; he was keeping her out. They walked slowly through the lobby and waited for the elevator with an elderly gentleman that held a bouquet of peonies. Oscar looked him over, watching the way the man gripped the flowers tighter as he turned towards them. Oscar could see the concealed pain in his eyes, a dark green that stood out against his olive complexion. The rosary hanging loosely from the hand holding the flowers swayed with his movement, and Oscar met his gaze head on.<p>

"Posso te ajudar com alguma coisa?" Oscar narrowed his eyes, dropping his head slightly to acknowledge the question.

"Peço desculpas por olhando , eu espero que o seu ente querido fica bem," the man looked at him with surprise, his eyes dropping to his flowers as the elevator doors opened. Oscar motioned to him to enter first, and the man nodded as they followed him in, his graying hair pulled into a small ponytail at the back of his neck. They moved to the right side of the elevator in front of the buttons, Angie against the wall as Oscar stood between her and the other man.

"Em que andar?"

"Quatro"

Angie just looked silently between her partner and the other man, surprised that he was willingly speaking Portuguese. He didn't do it often, and he preferred it when she wasn't there to tease him about the rarity of it. It was sweet, and she smiled at him gently, bumping her arm against his as he looked over at her. She could see the amusement, but she could also see the way his eyes flickered to the lit up numbers above the door as they climbed higher. He was tense, his mouth settling into a line as the silence stretched. She could hear the other man moving, running a hand over his head before he spoke again, leaving her lost.

"Visitar um ente on?" he asked, and Oscar nodded his head, his eyes never leaving the numbers.

"De uma maneira…" he murmured, sweeping a hand out in front of him to let the man out of the opening doors. The man started to walk, but stopped just ahead of Oscar and laid a hand over his forearm, his left hand still in his pocket. Their eyes met and the man smiled, patting his arm as he passed.

"Que a sua escuridão nunca ultrapassar a sua luz. Eles não queria que"

Whatever it was that was said had Oscar frozen, eyes just gazing at the space in front of him blankly. The doors started to close and her hand shot out, stopping them before they were sent back down. That shook Oscar out of his daze and he smiled, running a gloved hand over his head embarrassed.

"Guess we should get out now, huh?"

"They called for you and wanted to make sure you were coming by like every year. What the hell's going on Vega?"

"Do you trust me?"

Angie just nodded, feeling his hand drop to the small of her back as he guided them out of the elevator and to the left. They were walking slowly against the blank white walls, the gray carpet blurring as she dragged her eyes up and down, stopping in her tracks when she saw the glass doors, the large polished shine above the doors. She pulled her lips in, her teeth digging into them as Oscar just stood there, dropping his hand from her back as he pushed his hands back into his pockets. He rocked on his heels, looking everywhere but her. She looked at his profile, and she could see just how hard this was for him. She wanted to talk, to ask a million questions but she didn't know what to really say.

**The Javier Vega Oncology Wing**

Angie leaned against wall, crossing her arms over her torso as she looked at Oscar again. He finally looked over at her, his eyes shifty as they just stared at one another. She knew that look well, it was the same way she looked when she was backed into a corner and didn't know how to get out. She stuck her left hand out, Oscar looking down at it before pulling his right hand from his pocket, setting his gloved hand over hers. She grasped his hand, pulling him towards her, but he resisted, pulling her towards him instead. She looked at him questioningly, but he motioned behind him, another glass door that led outside into what looked like a garden. She followed him through the door, never letting go of his hand as they stood in the cold just looking out over the city. They weren't terribly high, but it still gave them the ability to look at all of the lit buildings and cars that drove below them. She felt pressure around her hand, looking at Oscar and tilting her head to the side. He wasn't looking at her, but rather staring at the buildings in front of them with a far off look.

"I was ten when I was reading Where The Wild Things Are with my younger brother Javi-" he said, his voice cracking towards the end, "Javier. He was seven, this scrawny little thing," he muttered, huffing out a laugh that was part amusement, half pain. She held her breath, her eyes getting glassy at the soft tone his voice had, like he was sharing a secret with her. And he was.

"He was, uh, he'd been sick for a couple weeks. He'd been coughing like crazy, but mom had just thought his bronchitis was coming on earlier than usual. He started to cough uncontrollably halfway through, and he tried to cover his mouth to stop it…" Angie held onto his hand tighter, leaning into him and laying her head on his shoulder as he dropped his voice. He sounded like he wanted to cry, and she couldn't look up at him for fear that she'd start to cry too. She could feel his grief, and she felt her nose warm, knowing tears were close behind.

"He covered his mouth while I ran to get him tissues from the bathroom down the hall from the study. We'd been reading by the fire in mid October, and when I came back in, I froze. I couldn't move, I think I actually stopped breathing Ang. His hands were splattered with blood, and it was all over his mouth. And, god, he looked- he looked so terrified-" he stuttered out, and she could feel the way his breath caught, his shoulders shuttering as he tried to breath in and out. She felt hot tears slip down her cheek slowly, seeping into his coat. She wanted to say something, anything to help him through his memories, but she didn't know how. She'd never lost a sibling, hell, she didn't have any, she had no idea how much this hurt him. She just wanted to be there for him.

"I damn near threw the tissues at him, screaming for my parents in a panic until I found them in the kitchen. I kept telling them to come quick, that it was Javi, and the fear on their faces is something I'll never forget. We rushed him to the hospital, my father demanding every test be done to find out what was wrong," he said, pausing to scratch the back of his neck. He ran a hand over his face, and she couldn't bear to look up at him in case he was crying. She was past keeping it together as it was. He stayed quiet for a few minutes, and she spoke up just to see if he was still with her.

"What happened to him?"

"He had stage four lung cancer. It explained why he was always so tired and mom had decided to homeschool him that year. She thought he just hated school and the fact that he kept getting sick every few weeks, but it wasn't…I came every day to see him. We'd read all the time; I brought him a superhero blanket so he could pretend to be one for Halloween and use it as a cape. He spent Thanksgiving and my birthday in the hospital too, and we went through so many books it wasn't even funny" he took a deep breath again, and this time she was biting her bottom lip hard to keep from sobbing into his shoulder. She took her hand from his, wrapping it under his coat and around his waist. She put her head back down, and his head came to rest atop hers as his arm wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her closer.

"We had just finished How The Grinch Stole Christmas when he began to cough and wheeze uncontrollably. I was pushed out of the room with my mom, and I just remember all of the beeps and people as I sat beside her. It seemed like hours, but eventually they led us to this little room away from Javi, leaving us there to wait for the doctor. My mom just sat there silently, and my father came storming in, hugging her as she cried into him. That was when the doctor came in-" Oscar sniffled, and Angie buried her head closer to him, whether to comfort him or herself she wasn't really sure. She heard the way his voice wavered, and felt a few tears fall into her hair as he held onto her tighter.

"They said they did everything they could-"

"And they were sorry for your loss" she finished, and felt him nod against her.

"I'd just turned eleven, and promised to get Javi a real cape for Christmas. He was so excited, couldn't wait to see what superhero he was going to be…I'd gotten my mom to help me buy him a Batman costume. I hid it in my room for years after, afraid my father would throw it away like the rest of Javi's things after…everything"

"Why do I feel like that isn't the end of the story?" she asked gently, afraid she'd upset him even further.

"Because you're a brilliant detective Angie. After Javi passed away, my parents made sure there was a place for more advanced research to be done, thus the wing in his name. But after it was underway, mom left a couple months later"

"Oh Oscar-"

"I knew it was coming," he muttered, and she felt guilty for pulling it out of him, "She couldn't be around me after the funeral. Javier and I were almost identical, aside from the age difference, and I heard her tell my father that it hurt to look at me" he admitted, and he stood up straighter, but didn't let her go just yet.

"My father blamed me for her leaving, like it was my fault Javi and I looked alike. After that, I was sent to boarding school, and it's been strained between us ever since".

"Where is she now? I mean, have you looked for her since…you know?"

"No Ang, I haven't," he said, and the tone of his voice begged her not to ask, but she just couldn't help herself.

"But don't you want to know what happened to her?"

"She didn't want me Angie. That unconditional love from a parent was conditional and then nonexistent. I didn't want a mother that didn't want me"

They stood in the cold, soaking in each other as Angie tried to process it all and Oscar got his emotions under control again. She'd never seen him cry before, and seeing it now still hurt her heart like no other. With everything they'd been through, he just didn't want to open old wounds again. She of all people could understand that, and now she felt bad to make this more about her than about him.

"I can feel you thinking from here Angie. I didn't tell you out of some misguided attempt to make you feel sorry for me-"

"I don't feel sorry for you" she interrupted, and winced at how callous that must have sounded.

"Good, because there's nothing that anyone could have done. It's been a long time. But," he said, gently pulling away from her with an apologetic smile, "That's not why we're here Ang."

She swiped at her cheeks and under her nose, huffing out a laugh while meeting his gaze with affection and understanding. She knew they were closer now; there was something between them that couldn't be broken or forgotten. He was a part of her now, and she hoped he felt the same.

"Then why are we here Vega? Because I probably look like shit now" she muttered, hoping that she didn't look like a raccoon.

"You look beautiful, you know that" he replied, and they just stared at each other again, and this time she could feel the warmth seep into her despite the foot of space between them. He looked away from her, and she shoved her hands into her coat, clearing her throat almost awkwardly.

"I come every couple weeks to spend time with the kids in this wing. A few of them don't have family nearby, or they're working, so I just…keep them company. At Christmas, I bring gifts for each of them just so they know someone's always there, you know? Plus, Javi passed on the 22nd, I guess I do it to feel closer to him".

She just looked at this incredible man, and felt her heart drop into her shoes at the rush of something more than mere affection that overwhelmed her. She'd never really given thought of him that way, but he was the most important man in her life after Manny. Maybe she'd just taken him for granted all this time, and that was an even worse thought. She tried to push down that thought, and thankfully he interrupted her depressing reflections.

"I didn't have a chance to go shopping like usual, so I had the gifts brought here in case I didn't make it. We've been busy, then…"

"What? We've been quiet the last week or so, what's been stopping you?"

"I've been trying to tell you about it, I just never found the right way. I just thought I had more time, but then Jennifer called the station and-"

"And I thought something was wrong. And I just assumed you were keeping something big from me," she said, and the guilt was written all over her face. He waved it off, smirking at her as he motioned back inside.

"The six kids here know I'm a detective, and they've heard all about my fearless partner. They made me promise to bring you sometime, so it's been eating at me lately. There are more kids that are in and out for chemo, but I'd like to think I'm doing something at least" he said, opening the door for her as they made their way back inside. She smiled at the fact that he had no idea how much his time must mean to those kids.

They walked up to the glass doors again, and she could see a group of kids, maybe between eight and fourteen crowded at the nurses' station in the center of the area, and she could see a Hispanic doctor talking to the children with a smile on her face. They kept glancing back towards them, and she could feel herself stand up straighter at the scrutiny. She faced Vega so they were facing one another rather than the doors and pointed her thumb in their direction.

"Those the kids that you spend time with? The ones staring at us while ignoring the pretty doctor?" she asked, raising an eyebrow and putting her hands on her hips. Oscar had to smile at the little bit of possessiveness in her tone. He waved at the kids and they waved back, and she saw him flash his teeth. He also waved at the doctor and Angie just looked between the two of them, not sure what to make of that exchange.

"Dr. Ramirez is Sadie's main doctor Ang, she's always around" he answered, looking her in the eye and winking teasingly.

"So you guys are what, close or something?" she wondered, crossing her arms over her chest after she unbuttoned her coat. He came closer to her, giving her only a couple of inches between them as he grabbed her wrists, uncrossing her arms. He slipped his hands in hers and held them between their bodies as he spoke lowly to her.

"No, we're not close. The only woman that can say she really knows me is you," he revealed, and she had to smile triumphantly at the information, "Now, can I introduce my partner to the kids, or are we going to stand here all night and debate this?"

Before she could bite out a smartass comment, a little boy no older than twelve peeked his head out when he pulled the door towards him with a cheeky smile. He had adorable dimples on his face, his honey colored eyes catching her attention as he looked between herself and Vega. His pale skin was flushed with excitement it seemed, and the lime green beanie contrasted with the orange shirt and black track pants he was wearing. He wiggled his toes as he spoke, and she couldn't help but be reminded of many days Manny used to do the same thing when he made a cheeky remark. Boys…they never could sit still, at least not hers.

"Hi Jeremy, can I help you with something?" Vega asked, raising his eyebrow at the small boy. Jeremy, it seemed, smiled even wider as he pointed upwards with a gleeful laugh. It wasn't until then that she noticed the child sized fishing pole behind his back that was holding some mistletoe about a foot above their heads. She bit the inside of her cheek to keep her smile at bay at the clever little boys plan.

"Merry Christmas Oscar, you know how this goes!" Angie chanced a look over at her partner, and she could see his eyes dance as his gaze flickered between her and the little boy.

"Jeremy, the fishing pole was meant to be a gift to you" Vega reminded him, trying to be stern in the face of a child that was way too pleased with himself.

"It is a gift to me, and you get one too. She's pretty, you're lucky," at that, Angie burst out laughing, slapping a hand over her mouth at the minor glare Vega sent her way, telling her to stop encouraging this kind of behavior. Obviously, she was ignoring him. Oscar just shook his head, pointing towards the other kids that were watching them carefully with varying degrees of delight.

"You, go back inside. We'll be right in"

"Okay, but you know what you have to do. We're watching you Detective," Jeremy said, pointing two fingers at his eyes and then pointing towards Vega in what the kid hoped was a threatening manner. Then the boy made a run for it, talking a mile a minute to the other children that all kept watching them. Much like they were in a fishbowl. It was unnerving to say the least.

"Ang-"

Angie stepped closer to him, grabbing the lapels of his jacket as she pulled him closer to her. She rose on her toes a bit, looking at him intensely as he stared back unflinchingly. His confidence in her astounded her, and she smiled goofily at him as he settled his hands on the small of her back under her coat.

"Do you regret bringing me here?" she asked, keeping him close so she could read him better. It was an important conversation and she had to be certain.

"Never," he swore.

"Okay then"

Angie never got the chance to kiss Oscar because he took his right hand and put it behind her head, bringing her head down so he could place a tender kiss on her forehead. He immediately pulled away at the sounds of cheering and laughter from all the kids he knew. They were smiling and giving him thumbs up, and Angie just pulled him into a hug, hiding her smile in his scarf. He pulled her tighter to him, murmuring into her ear once the noise died down.

"I can feel you smiling…"

"I'm happy," she muttered back, and he kissed her cheek briefly as he pulled to look her in the eye again.

"Me too, Merry Christmas Angie"

"Merry Christmas-"

"Merry Christmas Detectives!" the kids shouted through the glass, and Angie felt her face heat at attention they were gathering from passing hospital staff and family members.

"This is going to be a thing isn't it?" she asked, knowing the answer but asking anyway.

"You have no idea Ang, you have no idea…"

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><p>For everyone else reading this, happy holidays from me and my family to yours.<p>

The Portuguese in order, for those that want to know the translations.

(Can I help you with something?)

(I apologize for staring, I hope your loved one gets well,")

(What floor?)

4

(Visiting a loved one?)

(In a way)

(May your darkness never overtake your light. They would not have wanted that)


End file.
